Thursday, May 09, 2013

Thankful Thursday: Life's Lessons, Part 3 - The Forces that Shape Us


Gilbert Cayetano Huesca (1915 - 2009)

(This is the last of a three part series.   To read Part 1, click here.  To read Part 2, click here.)


My father and me on my wedding day, 
just before leaving for the church.
 Santa Clara, California, 1984.
A few months before my father died, we had an interesting conversation about trust. I remarked that we were polar opposites in that he was slow to trust new people and situations, while I might have  been too ready to trust them right away.  I wished he could sometimes be more optimistic and less skeptical.

Surprisingly, he agreed with me and added that he wished he could have been that way, too. 

As far as I knew, he had never said this before.  I asked him if something had happened in his life that had influenced him to think this way.  He briefly pondered my question. "I want you to understand," he began, "that sometimes in this life, you have to protect yourself."

Protect yourself.  How many times had he said this before? As my three younger sisters and I grew up and went out on our own in the world, my father often reminded us to be wary of what we said and did.  In his view, we never knew who might be watching or testing us.  He did not want anyone or anything to take advantage of us.  I took it as wanting us to look over our shoulders all the time and thought it was very pessimistic.  Though his advice about thinking ahead made sense, it seemed as though my father's outlook was based on apprehension and pessimism.  I struggled to understand and told myself that for all his wonderful qualities, he would never change in this regard.

Protect yourself.  My father lived through traumatic times, but he saw no reason to wear these on his sleeve.  He witnessed and was the subject of man's inhumanity to man.  These were major life events over which he had no control or could not have predicted, yet they occurred in life's most mundane settings. Being skeptical and cautious - and encouraging his children to do the same - were ways my father thought would protect himself and us from ever being threatened or betrayed again. He had formed a protective shell and would not let anything or anyone penetrate it again.

Protect yourself.  Now that my children are grown and are making their way in the world, I find myself sometimes wanting to protect them, much as my father tried to protect me.  I have to stop myself from telling them what to do and how to do it.  They will make and learn from their own mistakes, as we all do.

In the months that followed our conversation on trust, my father's prostate cancer metastasized and began taking ruthless advantage of his body.  It wracked him with pain,  forcing him to go from being fiercely independent to become more dependent than ever on others for his daily needs.  It was heartbreaking.  He had protected his family all his life, and now we were powerless to protect him.

But a strange thing happened.  When things seemed at their worst, a new light seemed to go on inside my father.  He became more hopeful, trusting, and optimistic.  He greeted everyone with joy and kindness and patience, from his doctors to his hospice caregiver to the man who delivered his medical equipment.  No longer did he see the need to be guarded around strangers.  Now he regarded them differently that he would have before.  He trusted and respected them, even as it became physically harder to interact with them. The cancer had betrayed his body, but it had not betrayed his soul.

He was hopeful, almost to the end, that he could defeat the cancer.  When it became clear that this would not be, his hopefulness was transformed to peaceful acceptance.  My precious father, ever amazing, found grace in giving up the control he had exercised all his life and accepted his new path to the inevitable that awaits us all.


I understand now. Whether or not we understand the reasons for what people do, it is important to accept them for the way they are.  

My father's life and attitude were influenced by an era of politics and culture, among other things, that converged to shape him into the man that he became.  But there were also other forces at work:  the unique combination of values of love, faith, family, honor, respect, discipline, and strength that he learned from his parents in the context of his unique life.   

We were more alike than we were different.  He influenced me to become the person I am today and shared life's lessons from his heart.  He was a loving and devoted father and the best parent anyone could aspire to be.  I will always be grateful for all the time we spent together and the closeness that we shared. 

I had the perfect father.  I love him exactly as he was and would not want him to be any other way.  



To read the other installments in this three part series, please click on the links below:

Part 1:  Church Record Sunday - Life's Lessons: Unbreakable Faith

Part 2:  Wisdom Wednesday - Life's Lessons:  The Defining Moments

***********


Copyright ©  2013  Linda Huesca Tully

Did you know Gilbert Huesca, or are you a member of the Huesca family? Share your memories and comments below.

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:35 PM PDT

    I'm tearing up here. Your dad is up there very proud of you. How could he not be? *sniffle*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much, Jennifer. You made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your father was an amazing man and you told his story beautifully.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Linda. I thank God for my father and my mother every day.

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Blog Archive

Popular Posts

Labels

(Huesca) Diaz (1) Abuelita (1) Adele Fay (1) Agnes Evelyn Gaffney (3) Agnes Gaffney (5) Alice (Carlow) Gaffney (1) Alice (McGinnis) Schiavon (40) Alice E. Gaffney (1) Alice McGinnis (2) Amaro (6) Ambrose Fay (1) Amelia Tully (1) Andres Huesca y Sus Costenos (1) Angelina (Ciliberto) Schiavon (7) Anita Parkhurst (1) Anna Liisa Heiska (2) Annie Quinn (1) Anthony Schiavone (1) Arne Schairer (1) Arthur Tully (3) Aune Kangas (1) Aunt Detty (2) Barbara (Bowman) McCormick (1) Baron (1) Benita (McGinnis) McCormick (80) Bennett (3) Bernice Althaus. (1) Bessie Quinn (1) Bing Tully (3) Blanca Perrotin (6) Bridget (Quinn) Gaffney (3) Buddy McCormick (1) Carlos Huesca (5) Catalina (Perrotin) Huesca (12) Catherine Grady (1) Catherine O'Grady (5) Cayetano Huesca (11) Celaya (1) Celia Perrotin (1) Charles Hoppin Tully (2) Charles Huesca (2) Charles Jacques Francois Perrotin (3) Cherry (2) Cid (1) Cora (Terrill) Gaffney (3) Daniel Fay (1) Delfina (Huesca) Yañez (1) Delia Domitila Huesca (2) Delia Gaffney (4) Domitila Huesca (1) Dorothy Fay (1) Edilberto Huesca (1) Edith (Hoag) McGinnis (1) Eduardo Huesca (10) Edward Bennett (1) Edward Gaffney (1) Eileen Kelly (2) Eldon "Ole" Olson (3) Elizabeth (Kane) Gaffney (1) Elizabeth Cain (1) Elizabeth Gaffney (3) Elizabeth Lyle Gaffney (6) Emanuel “Vito” Schiavone (1) Emanuela Sannella (2) Emily Scheurer (1) Enrique Huesca (12) Ernest F.W. Johnson (2) Ester Perrotin (1) Eugene McGinnis (2) Fay (3) Fay Family (1) Fern (Lawton) Waples (6) Fisher (1) Frances (Gaffney) Cherry (5) Francis Eugene McGinnis (4) Francisco Perrotin (5) Francois Perrotin (4) Gaffney (13) Gene Sheebo (1) Gilbert Huesca (38) Gilberto Huesca (3) Grady (1) Haltie Eaton (1) Healey (2) Helen Crannell (1) Helen Keller (1) Hubert Hotchkis (1) Huesca (11) Hugo Perrotin (1) Jack McGinnis (2) James Cherry (2) James Gaffney (2) Jane (McCormick) Olson (21) Jennifer Fisher (2) Joan (Schiavon Huesca) (1) Joan (Schiavon) Huesca (72) John Charles McGinnis (1) John Cherry (4) John Francis Gaffney (1) John Gaffney (2) John Jussi Kangas (1) John Kangas (1) John McGinnis (9) John Moyer (1) John Patrick Gaffney (1) Jose Calletano de la Trenidad Huesca (1) Jose Enrique Florentino Huesca (4) Jose Gil Alberto Cayetano Huesca (3) Joseph Ciliberto (2) Joseph E. Frick (1) Joseph Fay (1) Joseph Marcinkevich (1) Juho Kangas (1) Kangas (1) Katherine Fay (1) Kelly (1) Leo Dowling (1) Leo Schiavone (2) Licenciado Ocampo Alonso (1) Lorenzo Yañez (1) Louis Algarin (1) Lucia Huesca (1) Lucio Diaz Studio (1) Luz Merlo (1) Lyle Gaffney (1) Maggie Gaffney (1) Margaret (Craven) McCormick (1) Margaret Gaffney (1) Maria (Amaro) Perrotin (2) Maria Amaro (3) Maria Amaro Perrotin (1) Maria Angela Catalina (Perrotin) Huesca (1) Maria Angela Catalina Perrotin (5) Maria de la Luz Merlo (2) Maria Dolores (Perrotin) Bennett (2) Maria Dolores Perrotin (3) Mariano Pantaleon Huesca (1) Mario Huesca (2) Mary (Gaffney) McGoorty (1) Mary Elizabeth Gaffney (1) Mary Jane (Gaffney) McGinnis (26) Mary Tinney (1) Matt Oskar Kangas (2) McCormick (4) McCoy (1) McGinnis (6) McGinnis Family (2) McGinnnis (1) McGoorty (1) Mercedes (Formento) Huesca (8) Merlo (3) Monica Fay (1) Murray (1) Nancy (Gaffney) Zoldak (1) Nancy (Goss) Terrill Frick (1) Nancy Petters (1) Nathaniel Ellery Terrill (1) Nicky Schiavone (1) O'Grady (4) Ofelia (Ortega) Vázquez (2) Ogradi (1) Olson (1) Pasquale Schiavone (1) Pat Schiavone (1) Pat Tully (2) Patricia Fay (2) Patrick Cousins (1) Patrick J. McCormick (1) Paul Schiavon (1) Pellervo Kangas (1) Perroten (1) Perrotin (13) Philip "Bud" McCormick (2) Phillip “Bud” McCormick (8) Phillip McCormick (33) Plutarco Elias Calles (1) President John F. Kennedy (1) Quinn (3) Rafael Amaro (1) Ralph Schiavon (20) Ralph Thomas Schiavon (12) Ricardo Diaz (1) Riney (2) Roberto Perrotin (1) Rose (Bruton) Fisher (1) Rose Fyleman (1) Ruth Robertson (2) Ruvalcaba (1) Sannella (3) Sarah Ellen Riney (1) Schiavon (5) Schiavone (2) Shirley Ann Althaus (1) Soledad Cid (1) Susanne (Hurley) Gaffney (1) Suzanne (Olson) Wieland (2) Sylvia Gianorio (1) Terrence Quinn (1) Thomas Charles Gaffney (1) Thomas Cherry (1) Thomas Eugene McGinnis (14) Thomas Gaffney (6) Thomas McGinnis (4) Thomas Schiavon (1) Timothy Bennett (5) Tinney (1) Tom Schiavon (1) Tomasso Schicchitani (1) Tully (6) Victoria (Huesca) (1) Victoria Huesca (1) Vito Schiavone (1) Vivian Tully (1) Welner Bing Tully (2) Welner Clayton Tully (1) Welner Tully (3) Welner Tully; Bing Tully (1) Western Union (1) William Hupertz (1) William McGinnis (1)

Cyndi's List

Cyndi's List Cyndi's List of Genealogy Sites on the Internet

Family History Challenge

Family History Writing Challenge